User talk:JohnnyOTGS

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Please note that this is an automated message. However, if you still have any questions feel free to leave a message at the community portal, the forums or on my talk page and I'll see what I can do! When leaving your message, please be sure to sign your name by typing  ~ . Have fun and enjoy your stay! -- Kyosei (Talk) 08:39, December 15, 2011

Re:Sekigahara
Some things I noticed at a glance was misleading and lack of certain details such as:
 * Why Sekigahara was chosen as the place of conflict and lack of details of the army positioning. Mitsunari practically had Ieyasu surrounded on all sides.
 * Yukimura and Ueda. Hidetada did not suffer a true defeat it was more of delay more than anything else. Yukimura was also not the sole defending commander there either.
 * Lack of mentions of the other participating battles part of this campaign; Ueda was not the only one to tie up forces away from Sekigahara.
 * Lack of mentions of other generals who did not move to help the Western Army other than Kobayakawa such as Kikkawa, Mori troops, etc.
 * It's argued whether or not the west had any upper hand before Kobayakawa's defection due to the number of western forces present at battle who did not participate; generally agreed it was even because of the aforementioned reason.
 * Ieyasu did not threaten to fire "cannon fodder" it was rifles. Cannon fodder also has a different meaning which I'm sure you were not going for.

Try and improve upon your writing skills a little.
 * You seem to have trouble sticking to either past or present tense. Generally when describing events that have already happened you should use past tense.
 * There was an extremely long run-on sentence that went on for literally nearly the entire lower half of the paragraph. Try reading the sentence out loud. It sometimes helps you to know where to put that period.
 * Try organizing your writing into multiple paragraphs. It gets hard to read when it's just a large chunk of text. Easy ways to know when to make a new paragraph is to separate them by subject like: background and circumstances which lead to the battle, forces kept from Seikigahara, the battle's beginnings, Kobayakawa's betryal, etc.

That's all I can think of at the moment. I apologize in advance if anything I've written above as offended you in some way. Do not feel discouraged as it is appreciated you bothered to do original writing as opposed to lazy copy/paste from Wikipedia. Feel free to ping me again if you have more questions. I'm always happy to provide constructive criticism when asked. Kyosei 16:16, December 16, 2011 (UTC)